Howick Motor Lodge

If you’re after an adventure holiday without leaving your hotel room, this is the place for you! The towels were so frayed they looked like they’d survived a pirate battle, and the flannels were basically transparent — I wasn’t sure whether to wash my face with them or use them as a microscope slide. Toilet paper was a rare and precious resource, running out quicker than front row tickets to a Taylor Swift concert. And the shower? Let’s just say it was hosting its own ecosystem. The mould was thriving so well I half expected David Attenborough to pop in and narrate. I joked that if I ate it, it might cure the bug I had — two stars for medical innovation potential! Would I stay again? Only if I bring my own towels, TP, and hazmat suit.

Do not book here! Despite considerable distance from airport, we chose this motel specifically because it was sold as a two bedroom unit. It was not. It is an open plan unit with 2 beds on a mezzanine floor that is open to the lower level, where the queen bed is located. No doors, no privacy whatsoever. The two sleeping areas, along with the bathroom on the upper floor, are connected by an extremely narrow, very steep, highly dangerous staircase that has no upper rails at all - you brace yourself against the walls. No smoke alarms, 1/4 roll of toilet paper, milk sachets that contained mould.. we are surprised this motel is permitted to operate.

Free parking right outside the room - that's about it for nice. Negatives : Hard to get in and out of the property with the busy road. The office is not always manned - a sign saying to ring someone - not answered in any great hurry. The whole place is very run down and dingy. Their front photo with swimming pool is a deceiving draw card. There was a lot of unclean spaces in the room, outside in the 'porch'. Terrible decor, rusty fittings, bathroom extremely dated, dusty, crappy couch that was uncomfortable. The windows looking outside were filthy (see my photo), the couch was dirty and lumpy, the taps took a long time to come on and poor pressure when they did, the shower faucet is from the dark ages with a dribble for a pour and a cold stainless steel shower floor, stairs are narrow and creak (you have to climb to 2nd floor for the loo and shower (bed is downstairs), the porch does not look anything like the hotel photos (disgusting concrete, damp, stained with an old wooden table and ashtray - that's it - not like the advertised photo with wine, new wood, plant, clean ground), the door to the outside was broken so had trouble going outside anyway! The bathroom looks big on the panoramic photos, but it's small. The hairdryer is super old fashioned with hardly any pressure (luckily one in the cupboard). We didn't notice rather late in the evening that we had not been given any coffee sachets - had to call out of hours to get them - not good service. Toilet paper is crappy and thin.